And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
