I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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