Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
