Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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