I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
