Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
