i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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