Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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