I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
