i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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