we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
