I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize