currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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