Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I AM VODKA MAN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
