You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
