I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
