I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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