i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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