I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
