am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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