Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
