So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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