I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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