guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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