sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
