I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This house was built for laser tag.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
