i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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