FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize