i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
