you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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