what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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