I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
