Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
