You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize