Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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