In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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