Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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