New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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