There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
