Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
