Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
