good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just cropdusted the office
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
