He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
