I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize