i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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