I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
