george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
