It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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