You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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