I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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