Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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