when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
