We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
