I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this just has baby written all over it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize