Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
