i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
