I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the day after is always just damage control
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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