If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
