So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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