The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
