he wants to bone in the snuggie
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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