update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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