Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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