were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
