Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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