maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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