GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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