cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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