I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
